Miss Autumn

 

As of today, we have been in Edmonton two full weeks. Isaac continues to get better and better each day. We are hoping that by today, he will be on a 'demand' feeding schedule, which means that he can eat whenever he wants to. If he hasn't show any hunger signs within 4 hours, then we will feed him. As the doctor calls it, 'suck or starve'.  Once he starts this new feeding schedule and shows that he can gain some weight, we are home free! I can't wait to go home and start our new life with baby Isaac. 

I also can't wait to go home and see our two baby girls, Autumn and Winnie. In particular, I really miss my baby girl Autumn. We picked up Autumn from her breeder's home almost 12 months ago. She was a gift from the universe. I always say that Autumn was the universe's way of saying "I'm sorry" for what happened with Reese (our baby that we only had for one day before returning to her birth mom). We never planned on getting a puppy, although we had definitely been dabbling in the thought of one day getting a dog. So when Autumn came into our lives, it was like divine intervention. 

Autumn has been the gentle soul that has eased my grief this last year. She has become my best friend and companion, always at my side, always faithful, always kind and loving. I misssss her sooooo much. These past couple of weeks, not being with her has probably been one of the top causes of stress layered into the big mix of having an infant, in the NICU, while navigating the adoption process with birth mom and birth dad, and her extended family here in Edmonton. It pains me to think that Autumn is at home wondering where Carlos and I are. Autumn and Winnie have had three different friends stay at our house and I'm sure they've all treated them amazingly, but I guess I project my own feelings and think that they're missing their dads. 

Soon, and I mean like 2-3 days soon, we will all merge into one big happy family! I can't believe that 13 months ago, Carlos and I went from just the two of us, to the two of us plus Reese, back to the two of us, to the two of us plus Autumn, and then plus Winnie 9 months later, and now plus Isaac 3 months after that. From two to five! Dean, Carlos, Autumn, Winnie and baby Isaac! That's us, that's our family that will give us joy, laughter, hurdles, challenges, and utter happiness in the years to come. 

I always get so terribly sad when I think that one day, Autumn will leave us, most likely the first to leave us. And I know that probably won't be for at least 12 years from now. I guess with everything that happened with Reese, I know that life is so precious and in any given moment, something drastic can happen. Call me jaded, grief stricken from past traumas, but this is how I think sometimes. I owe a debt of gratitude to Autumn for coming into my life. I hope that she knows that, I hope that Autumn can feel the love that I have for her. She's not just a dog, she's my dear family member that saved me from the deep dark hole of depression last year. Thank you, miss Autumn. You will see me, Papa C and your new baby brother Isaac soon!